I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why did my mother make you get naked?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
