Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
please come you make the beer taste better
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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