just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
