My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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