You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
