u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
