I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
