we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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