we have pet lesbian snakes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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