so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
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you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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