my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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