you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?