Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am midnight drunk by noon
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??