Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon