I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."