Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
why didn't you poke me back
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…