found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.