He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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