I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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