theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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