Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
