maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.