I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES