i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him