last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What changed your mind?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.