there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.