please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to