she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.