i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
