how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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