I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
