new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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