Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
