He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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