I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
