You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize