dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
