She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
