You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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