i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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