Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
