It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize