Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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