I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
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I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.