Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
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banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion