We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed