he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.