I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?