its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
sex in a hospital.. check
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
