shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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