Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We are two peas in an std pod
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
