Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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