I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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