we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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