How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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