I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
