11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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