There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm both gender and math confused
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