You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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