Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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