you suck at this game today
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.