Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one