I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?