Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.