if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
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After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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