Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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