By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart