You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
foreskin is a definite game changer
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have