I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
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Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.