apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.