Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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